


Football nights

by phlebotinxm



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Football | Soccer, Leo Fitz and Lance Hunter Friendship, Minor Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Rivalry, Short One Shot, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28740276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phlebotinxm/pseuds/phlebotinxm
Summary: “You tremendous dick head.”Jemma pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “I’m still in the room,” she said.Her boyfriend paid her no mind --which was rare enough to be noted, keeping his eyes on Hunter as he glared daggers at his friend.“It’s not my fault ManU’s crap. You’ve got poor tastes in football, man. Shouldn’t be that surprised coming from a bloody Scot, anyway.”
Relationships: Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse, Leo Fitz & Lance Hunter, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Football nights

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> How can I justify this one.... my friend Nick and I were talking about how Liverpool and ManU were going to face each other very soon, and Nick joked that Iain de Caestecker and Nick Blood would probably fight each other on the matter. 
> 
> Which gave me the idea for this very small and very stupid one shot. Also, I don't know a single thing about football, and English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any footie/grammar mistake I could have made lol
> 
> Don't hesitate to let me know what you think if you feel like it! xx

“You tremendous dick head.” 

Jemma pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “I’m still in the room,” she said. 

Her boyfriend paid her no mind --which was rare enough to be noted, keeping his eyes on Hunter as he glared daggers at his friend. Although friend might be a strong word used to describe their relationship at the moment.

“It’s not my fault ManU’s crap. You’ve got poor tastes in football, man. Shouldn’t be that surprised coming from a bloody Scot, anyway.” 

“I’m gonna murder you,” Fitz gritted, and Jemma took a moment to consider the threat. She was used to grumpy Fitz, but grumpy Fitz seemed to have evolved into pissed out Fitz, and she knew how sensitive he got when it came to football. Throwing a glance around the flat, she took note of all the sharp objects, making sure Fitz couldn’t just jump out of the couch and grab one to hit their friend with. 

Hunter shrugged, pushing another mini donut into his mouth. He looked pretty chill, for someone who was probably seconds away from getting strangled. “Murder me all you want, Liverpool’s still a better team. At least we didn’t buy our way back to glory.”

“Buy our way back to-- that’s it, I don’t want you in my house anymore.” 

Jemma let her forehead fall against the desk with a low  _ ‘tud’ _ . Those two had been going at it for almost half an hour now, and it had all started pretty innocently for something that turned that bad in so little time. Both Bobbi and Jemma had been pretty worried to see that ManU and Liverpool played against one another two days ago, realizing that Fitz and Hunter’s teams playing against one another would surely lead to a fight between their boyfriend-slash-husband. However, both men had surprised them by being pretty civil towards one another for about 48 hours before it all turned to shite at once the night of. 

“You’re not throwing Hunter out of the house,” Jemma interrupted. Fitz barely looked at her before his lips turned down and his frown deepened. “You two can calm down and stay civil long enough to watch the game together.”

“I’m not watching the game with a traitor,” Fitz said immediately. Jemma was pretty sure that he was seconds away from crossing his arms on his chest like a toddler, and she idly wondered if that was how nights with their potential children would go in a few years’ time. She was pretty sure there was no avoiding the pigheaded Scottish genes they would surely get, even if she’d never admit it. 

Hunter scoffed. “A traitor? Say all you want about Liverpool, at least we won the Champions League in 09 and Premiere League last year. First win in 30 years, what’s ManU gonna do about that eh? You didn’t win shit in the last 5 years.”

Fitz got so red in the face Jemma wondered if he’d choked on his own saliva. She was seconds away from walking up to the couch and fussing over him, when Fitz shot up and waved an accusing finger in front of Hunter’s smug face. 

“Just you wait. We’re gonna crush you tonight, and you won’t be able to do shit about it, you numpty.” 

Hunter swallowed around his mini donut --Jemma realized she probably should have cooked more of them, this heated argument had cost her half the plate already because Hunter kept stuffing his face with them everytime Fitz said something he didn’t like-- and shrugged. His ‘I don’t give a shit’ act was pretty lame, though, because Jemma could see the way his eyes were shining with barely disguised anger. She had no idea how two trained spies could be that sensitive when it came to such a stupid subject. 

“Yeah? Wanna bet on that?” 

For a few moments, Jemma wondered why she’d let Bobbi go to the store without her. She’d wanted to stay back to make sure the boys didn’t rip each other’s heads clean off, but now that she thought about it, she would have much rather been in the crowded alleys of the store with her friend. She was probably chosing a good bottle of wine for them to go through the night, by now. She hoped she would be generous with the snacks, too, because she obviously deserved it. 

“Boys,” Jemma said with a sigh that she couldn’t contain. When did she go from secret agent to babysitter again? It was their night off, and Hunter and Bobbi had been chaffed to come to theirs to watch the match outside the Playground for once. It had all started so well. “Can you please just calm down for a minute? The match hasn’t even begun, and I don’t wanna clean any blood off my carpet.” 

She stared at her boyfriend with a raised eyebrow, and Fitz had the decency to look a little sheepish. He knew how much she liked her carpetting, and she was pretty sure he wasn’t going to risk anything as long as he stood there. Hopefully, that would also tame down any murder tendancies for the night.

“Yes, love,” Hunter replied, and Fitz squinted at him. He knew damn well how uncontrollably jealous Fitz got whenever Hunter called her ‘love’ around the base, and it seemed like the Brit was decided to piss Fitz off every chance he got. 

Fitz focused his attention back on Jemma. “Yeah, Jem. Don’t worry, nothing will happen to the carpet tonight.” 

Weirdly, that didn’t comfort her in the slightest. As she looked between the two men, Jemma found herself wondering if her children with Fitz would take more of her British side when it came to making a mess. Sure, she’d had her fair share of bad girl shenanningans in the years that followed her arrival in the Shield team, but somehow Fitz always seemed to make bigger messes, no matter how hard he tried not to. She still remembered how he’d broken the table in the common room a few year’s back simply because he wasn’t paying enough attention to his surroundings testing the drones. 

“No matter what happens with the match,” Jemma said with a warning look, “I want you both to swear to me you will not physically fight. I will accept a lot of things in the name of football,” she emphasized with a raised eyebrow for her sheepish boyfriend, “but I will  _ not _ accept physical injuries.” 

Both Hunter and Fitz looked absolutely horrified and quite offended at her words. As if they hadn’t been seconds away from punching each other straight in the face just mere minutes before. 

“We know how to behave,” Fitz scoffed, turning to Hunter in emphasis. The other man nodded his assent energically. “It’s not like it’s any serious anyway.” 

Jemma had heard the  _ “it’s not that serious anyway”  _ talk about football a lot of times before, and it had ended in a disaster every. single. time. Which was precisely the reason why she cocked her head to the side, willing herself not to glare at them too hard. 

“Bobbi and I will be in Fitz’s and I’s room,” she said. “Just in case.”

Hunter rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you could as well go to the bar together or something. What do you girls do for girls’ night anyway?” he asked, more for himself than anything else, brows furrowed in wonder, “Just… go have a drink, have fun. You don’t have to babysit us.” 

“Sure,” Jemma said, willing herself not to roll her eyes too hard. She couldn’t wait for Bobbi to come back, just so that she wouldn’t be the only one dealing with this nonsense anymore.

* * *

In the end, Jemma had to admit the night went slightly better than she’d imagined in the first place. Bobbi had gotten beers with the wine bottle for the both of them, and the half dozen Fitz and Hunter drank each prevented them from jumping to each other’s throats. Bobbi and Jemma found them throwing sluggish insults back and forth at each other from their side of the couch after the match, incapable of doing more than glare daggers. The empty bottles at their feet were sole witnesses of their fight. 

“Should we ask who won?” Jemma asked Bobbi discretely as she snapped a picture, making Hunter pout. 

Bobbi shook her head. “Nah. We’ll know soon enough anyway. Let’s just enjoy the sight for a moment.” 

She was right, eventually. But it didn’t take away the wonderful pictures they’d managed to snap, and the smug smile Jemma hid in the soft material of her pillow when Fitz felt so sheepish he got up early to clean the flat from any eventual bottle of beers lying around and make her her favorite breakfast the next morning. After all, she knew football was sacred, but he also knew but too well when he’d overdone it just a little bit. 

Luckily, Fitz also knew exactly  _ how _ to earn his girlfriend’s forgiveness. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this little thing!
> 
> You can find me on my fanfiction dedicated [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/phlebotinxm), or my [main account](https://twitter.com/KeptinOnZeBridg)!


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